Disrupting My Ecological Balance
I am kinda feeling worn-out these past few days. Restless. Lost. After the stressful Cotabato City event last week, it has been a series of meetings and lectures that I really hadn’t gotten enough time to breathe and catch myself.
It’s only after that event that certain realities have really set in. Prior to that stressful week, I had put on hold the tears and frustrations that I have been keeping. I am determined to stay focused on the task at hand that I really tried to stop emotions from getting in the way. And I succeeded. But now, the emotions exploded and flowed with rage. Now, I feel the failures.
I’m back to my real world but my brain is dead. It has stopped functioning and is replaced with these bleak feelings. There are deadlines to beat. People and loved ones to take care of. A future to think about. But my spirit is out somewhere, burying my dead brain.
How I wish life didn’t get this complicated. How I wish I have stopped desiring certain things in life. How I wish I have stopped dreaming and reaching for things. How I wish I can be completely happy for the fates of the people I love without feeling sorry for myself. How I wish God has just stopped making me feel these emotions the moment S/He denied me of what I want. And need.
But this is growing up. This is what it means to take care of yourself. This is what realities are. This is working hard and losing what and who you are along the way. This is dreaming and failing. This is what it is.
Life is certainly not always filled with sunny Thursdays. Thursdays can be cloudy too, you know.
